Good Days and Bad Days

Everyone has them.  Good days and bad days.  It used to be more good than bad...but lately it is a guessing game as to what kind of day it is going to be.  I feel very alone lately.  This is where my faith comes in.  Total surrender to the will of God.  Seems like this should be easier than it is.

When I awake in the morning, I try and say my prayers of thanksgiving.  My Novena of the Surrender to the Will of God.  It does help put into perspective that nothing is possible but through God.  My aloneness in the unknown or the unexpected can be very disheartening.  It is unexplainable to anyone that hasn't walked in a parent of a disabled child's, shoes.  When you see the changes around you in this world, a sadness overtakes me.  Sad that some of the options for Kate's care are no longer available.  Sad that in order to keep her soul and body safe, there is a lot of care involved.

The spectrum of when and how things will be achieved is a constant wonder in my life.  When will she talk?  How frustrated is she?  Can I potty train in a year?  Will she swim?  Simple questions that were never a question with my other children.  I have read about parents treating their child with Down Syndrome exactly like their other children.  How?  Are they in denial?  There is a delay with Down Syndrome.  What a child does at 18 months could be what a child with Down Syndrome does at 3 years.  A big broad spectrum of possibilities.

We all keep moving forward.  We do the best we can and have no specific answer on timing.  Now what I can count on is love!  Squeezes and kisses.  Laughter!  Playing, swimming and reading to Kate.  Maybe that is the lesson God is teaching us.  Patience, kindness and love!